he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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