Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
