While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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