New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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