I wish my penis had an off switch
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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