this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
