a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
