there's paper in my vomit.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
