youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
