Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
