girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
