how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
