Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
