roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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