I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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