I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
