she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
