This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
