He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
