A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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