There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
