i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
