Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
