He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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