I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
