You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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