I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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