all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
