I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize