i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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