you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
