New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
