I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo