Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.

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  (603): Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila. http://tfl.nu/02xa
  Replies (24) Good night (6874) Bad night (1021)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."

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  (847): after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit." http://tfl.nu/sc5b
  Replies (15) Good night (843) Bad night (6964)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done

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  (856): she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done http://tfl.nu/rbbz
  Replies (23) Good night (5720) Bad night (1117)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

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  (206): dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement. http://tfl.nu/2u7j
  Replies (29) Good night (2623) Bad night (4859)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

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  (905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should. http://tfl.nu/b27t
  Replies (45) Good night (9051) Bad night (2648)
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  (818): View more from California

  Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.

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  (818): Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some. http://tfl.nu/upkj
  Replies (5) Good night (1171) Bad night (3145)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick

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  (608): Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick http://tfl.nu/ym1u
  Replies (9) Good night (1895) Bad night (556)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"

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  (217): His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances" http://tfl.nu/5wgw
  Replies (11) Good night (1480) Bad night (703)
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  (310): View more from California

  i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20

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  (310): i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20 http://tfl.nu/ve2e
  Replies (4) Good night (849) Bad night (357)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors

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  (269): You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors http://tfl.nu/85u5
  Replies (3) Good night (485) Bad night (730)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported

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  (412): I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported http://tfl.nu/r23v
  Replies (8) Good night (753) Bad night (358)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.

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  (304): I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation. http://tfl.nu/s759
  Replies (6) Good night (1128) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"

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  (404): No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party" http://tfl.nu/5res
  Replies (5) Good night (1029) Bad night (314)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.

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  (602): WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL. http://tfl.nu/p33r
  Replies (1) Good night (504) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.

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  (937): Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment. http://tfl.nu/z1fq
  Replies (2) Good night (171) Bad night (129)

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