I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am one with the molecules
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.