I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!