Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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