I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
