HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
