Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
