the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
