you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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