Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
