I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
