Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
