i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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