I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
