You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
