Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
