sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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