i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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