Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
