shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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