I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
