wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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