Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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