guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
