i just google imaged poop.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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