I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
