eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
