he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
