Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
