I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
