I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
