She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize