i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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