this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
