well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sext me about skeletons
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
