I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
