Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
