Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
