If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm always down for nudity.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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