i just had sex bonerless
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
