i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
