I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
