Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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