just come out here and I will go home with you...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well most of my day revolves around power hour
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
