Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
