remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
