She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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